Friday, January 10, 2014

A BLESSED SUN

too soon, the sun has set
and now i have to walk back.
back all the way to my books
the books which made me clever.
books which make me forget.
books which make me hunger,
for the thousand lovely deaths
they bestow kindly upon me.
and, bury my terrible fears.

too soon, i have to walk back
deep into those fears, with no one
whose hands, i’d kill, to hold for a long long time.
no one but my lovely mind,
and my thin, sighing body -
wrapped up so tight in layers
to cope with the cold spread out,
around me like something familiar -
as familiar as the tautness, that tears my heart apart.
cold that has never left my side,
nor my clammy hands and feet.
till there was no warmth left, none,
except, in my lovely mind.

and now,
that i’m walking back
to my songs, my words, my tv shows
i feel my eyelids close,
close down on the sun behind the houses
taut, and drinking in, that last ounce of sunlight
greedy, petulant, stubborn . . . resigned.
and i see the darkness close down
on a million lives inside the houses
births, deaths and struggles
paychecks, cuts and strikes
lost lunches, bags and smiles
all the things in my clever books,
my mind refuses to leave behind.

and the sun goes down again,
and i wish my mind would, too.
for it is so lonely a walk -
back and forth, and back again -
looking for a cold, so cold a sun
that comes up - only to haunt
day after day after dreary day...
but, refuses,
to light up
a million lives inside a million houses
lives bursting into awesome rages, bursting into haunting song
all locked up - inside the houses, tied
to their births, deaths and struggles
and their pay-checks, cuts and strikes
those lost lunches, bags and smiles -
all the ties, my clever books
tell me quietly, are hard, to undo.

yet, for these ties to be forever undone, 
i would give up the ten minutes, 
someone kind, 
put down against my name, long back:
my ten minutes, in a blessed sun.

* * *


2 comments:

Sridhar S said...

Wonderful...the cold certainly hasn't frozen the poet nor the philosopher in you.

kanupriya said...

No words to express what I am feeling as I see your thin ,taut face (as it looked even when you were a tiny tot!)I wish I could send all the sunlight and smiles to you I have here.